Wednesday, 26 January 2011

One of them things - Nigerian Politics

This will be one of my more serious posts, I hope. Erm... Where do I start. Okay. Yesterday a friend of mine posted an endorsement of the PDP as his status on FaceBook. So I asked him a few questions trying to find out why he supports the party, and he said I was asking JAMB questions! Well it shouldn't be too surprising, but it makes me think - do we as Nigerians (yes I am Nigerian no matter how little I like that) really have any idea what we're doing where politics and government are concerned.
In developed democracies, political parties are all (ostensibly) aiming at improving the country, and in that regard Nigeria is no different (even though our improvements are more ostensible than most). But political affiliations are (supposed to be) formed on the basis of ideological differences. For example in the USA Republicans tend to be  more conservative - anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-stem cell research, basically against thing that they see as 'unnatural'. Democrats, on the other hand are more liberal and tend to believe people should have a choice to live and act as they please within the confines of sensible law. Maybe I went too far by comparing America to Nigeria, but it makes it much easier to get my point across.
Since 1999 I haven't heard a single political group differ on a specific idea. Political affiliations have been formed (and broken) on the bases of joining the winning team, running ticket guarantees, and that old frenemy money. People like Atiku hop from one party to another looking for a platform on which to run for government positions and have the effrontery to call themselves leaders. It's a vile and disgusting system which doesn't look like changing any time soon, as the leviathan which is the PDP still has a stranglehold on power that it is very unwilling to relinquish.
But I'm just ranting really, and my anger is nothing to those who run the country, which is one reason why I choose not to live there. Madness runs through the political spine of the nation, and if it doesn't get sanitised (and I mean that in two ways - made sane and cleansed) soon Nigeria is in danger of never reaching its potential as a nation, or even worse of splitting apart (although some, like me, are ambivalent about how bad it would really be).
I for one, think that if political posts weren't so financially rewarding only those with a real desire to change things would run for office. The problem faced now is since the people who are in office are there for the monetary gains, there's really no way of correcting that. In the US and Britain politicians are usually well off, but the richest make most of their fortune outside politics (authoring, business, investment and inheritance are just a few more common means).
I think I'll just stop. I hate getting drawn into discussing Nigerian politics. It always ends up upsetting me, because it's such a mess and I don't see it getting better. Even the 'good' politicians suffer from being in a... minority isn't quite the word. I crave your indulgence to coin the word minutity (minute entity) to describe how few reasonably honest politicians we have in 'our beloved country'. Which brings me to my final thought. It's good to be patriotic and all that, but if I'm to be honest with myself, I don't love Nigeria, and I have no desire to work to make her better. It may seem like a bad thing to say, but I'm only being honest.
The end.

Thursday, 20 January 2011


So a couple days ago I grew old. I've always wondered why we celebrate birthdays. It's not like for 364 days age was just standing still and then all of a sudden at midnight it realises it's been slacking and decides to go into overdrive. I guess I'm this way because I've grown up very cynical and attention seeking - I think I might be getting Histrionic Personality Disorder, or something like that.
Anyway, this year I spent my first birthday (almost completely) alone. Facebook and Twitter kept me company (I should say thanks once again), my mum and my brother called, but my dad probably didn't even remember. Not that it matters. His hubris has done so much damage a forgotten birthday's a trifle.
Maybe I should tell a story of a birth. A woman having a caesarean without her husband there to hold her hand, giving birth to a son in what was at the time the coldest winter in living memory (damn you 09/10), and being unable to leave the hospital for a month because it was so bloody cold. I was born 3 weeks late, which might explain my predisposition to procrastination (I know I can be verbose, forgive me)
I don't know why I'm writing this really, it's probably going to end up as an incoherent piece of tripe. But at least I'll have written a bit of the misery I often feel out of my heart and into cyberspace. You see for me the internet is an escape, an escape that only books could give me in time past. So yes, I am grateful for the internet and I will always defend it when people say negative things about it. That something can be used wrongly doesn't mean it's bad. But I digress. Wildly.
I initially meant this to be an appreciation to all the people who've got me here one way or the other. So let me just say thank you. If you read this and think my gratitude is addressed to you, then it probably is. 
I should stop here cos I'm not having one of my better days. Fuck this.

Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Runaway - A review from a former fan.

I was just gonna tweet about this but I guess I should blog about it instead cos I have a a few things to say.
I used to be huge on Kanye West. When College Dropout dropped (in my opinion still his best album), I was so buzzed. He was only the third rap artist whose album I could sit down with and listen to from head to toe without getting bored (in case you want to know the other two are Eminem's The Marshall Mathers LP and Ludacris' Word Of Mouf). So I really had high hopes for him. From there my luvv for his work has been steadily fading, up to the point where I joined the world in calling him an asshole during the Taylor Swift affair, even though I've spent my whole time in music making excuses for Michael Jackson and Eminem. I still haven't listened to My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy in its entirety. I just can't bring myself to, especially since I haven't really taken to any of the tracks from the album. It's been a lot of people's album of 2010, but it doesn't even make my top 10.
Anyway this isn't about the album, it's about a video from the album. Or a video developed around the album. Let me start this way. When I saw the VMA performance of Runaway I didn't like the song or the suit. I did like the ambience of the performance though, it looked quite okay. Then today I tuned in to BET (which I rarely do) and saw the full length video named after the song. At 33 minutes it rather long, but that wouldn't have been a problem if it had been engaging. Instead it drags in so many places. And the few lines of dialogue, while being memorable as quotes in their own right, were delivered poorly. Nicki Minaj's introduction was horrible (in my opinion she should drop that overblown British accent entirely, we are not amused) and The Phoenix was beautiful without looking phoenixey (if that's even a word)
For all its faults, it is a beautiful video. Although you know a banquet would never really be held a room so large as to be unwelcoming, the scene did look pretty amazing. The ballerinas were beautiful, but that's because ballerinas always are beautiful, and had nothing to do with Kanye's artistry. I liked the line about never believing what you hear on the news, and his serenading her on an MPC was really cool.
The one thing I really really like about the video is the overall tone of sadness that pervades it. The one thing I really don't like about it is it's another portrayal of the extreme hubris that pervades the Kanye West persona. That said, it is undoubtedly a unnecessary marketing move, as Kanye will sell, crappy but annoyingly impressive video or not.

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

I am... The ten.

1. I am legend. Take it or leave it, knowing me is an unforgettable experience.
2. I’m a hopeless romantic. That’s where my inner nerd really comes to the fore.
3. I’m presently besotted with a certain young nubile female, but it doesn’t matter.
4. I probably like you a lot but can’t tell you.
5. If I’m forever telling you how much I like you, I just might be overemphasizing to convince myself that I really do.
6. Michael Jackson is a minor earth god.
7. I am incredibly talented and I know it. I’m also incredibly lazy until I get on stage.
8. I crush on every girl that pays me the slightest attention.
9. It’s quite possible I’m in love with you, if you’re female
10. I just made nine statements, not sure how many of them are true…

Monday, 3 January 2011

Don't Let Me Fall

I remember when I got B.o.B's album, the Adventures of Bobby Ray. I wanted to skip past the track with T.I. cos I'd heard it and didn't like it. That was how I skipped the first track of the album and fell in love with several tracks further down. Good album, better (in my opinion, and this is my blog so that's all that counts) than Drake (sorry Laide), Minaj, and erm... who else released an album last year? Joke.
I started this post in the morning when I was happy. Now it's close to midnight and I'm terribly moody, and I can't for the life of me say why. But I think my sadness is a perfect setting for the emotional roller-coaster I'm about to describe.
I've always been unlucky in love. No, that's not right. I've had a few amazing relationships, and remain friends with all my exes to this day. But I still feel I have no idea how to handle a relationship, to... erm... 'be a man', as they say. So after my first (and only) relationship in Babcock University I decided I wouldn't enter a relationship again if it wasn't completely on my terms. The trouble is it takes me a while to decide whether or not I want to date a chick, even if I fall in love 'at first sight' (barf). So I usually end up unsure whether I want a relationship with a girl I've already shown a lot of attention, so much she probably already thinks I'm a realistic prospect.  I'm talking too much. What I'm trying to get at is I fell in love and started up a weird relationship, knowing it couldn't last. Foolish, typical me. I should have 'been a man' and told her we couldn't be, but I was way too far gone to think about such petty thing as reality and my terrible track record as far as communication is concerned, and the fact we'd only known each other for 3 weeks. To cut a long story short, I've called her twice in... let me see... thirty-two days since I got back from Nigeria. I know, I know, I suck as a boyfriend. I guess I can't be all great. As at now, we're in that magical land called Limbo. Will I 'do the right thing' and break it off? Not a chance. I'm still in love.
The weird thing is, while I was deciding to date my camp chick, I felt I was cheating on someone I have never met. And that brings me to another one of my numerous problems. I get attached to people far too easily. If you've been following me on Twitter for a while you'll know, or at least have an idea, who I'm going on about. Unless of course I'm a far bigger flirt than I like to think I am. 
I know I am not, and have never been in a relationship with her, but I've grown accustomed to chatting intimately with her and therein lie the seeds of my imminent destruction. In a few years my folks will ask me to get married. I'll be faced with a major dilemma as I have a new crush on average twice a week. The problem is the old crushes don't die as new ones come in. Oh they may fade, but as soon as I remember I'm wondering what I can do to keep them alive. I think that Slum Village song Selfish is my mindset paraphrased.
And now comes the most annoying part of my life right now. There are several females in Nigeria who claim an interest in me, but of course I didn't have an idea of this while I was there... And now I'm supposed to love them from afar. Fuck that! In fact, maybe I should quit social networking. ("Yeah right!" I hear you say.) 
Okay I'm gonna stop this monologue abruptly right here with a prayer. I'm sure you're really bored already, maybe even confused by the way my genius mind works.