Before I begin, let me say that this blogpost is about male homosexuality. I have no opinion on lesbians.
I'm homophobic. I just wanted to make that clear. But I don't hate queers, I mean phobia as "an irrational, intense and persistent fear of certain situations, activities, things, animals, or people". I'm terrified of being sexually assaulted by a dude. Nah scrap that. I'm terrified of even being chatted up by a dude. I get extremely uncomfortable.
On the other hand I think people should and do have the right to shag whoever they please as long as the other party is in agreement. Just don't try to make me think I should like the idea that two dudes are 'doing the dirty', as one of my twitter followers so eloquently puts it.
Now I've made it perfectly clear I'm not gay or bisexual and am terrified of even accidentally becoming so. So I can move on.
It's weird the way we're fascinated with finding out who's homosexual or not. A few years back, a guy wearing skinny jeans would be classed gay, especially if he was black. It still happens once in a while. Now certain colours are associated with homosexuality. I'm as guilty as anyone - but now I have a valid reason to stop making that assumption.
I've always liked the colour purple, but recently it's become something of an obsession. I can't see a nice-looking purple item in a store and not think 'I want that.' So much so that I've acquired a number of completely purple outfits one item at a time, as well as my by now overlooked purple framed prescription glasses (which I recently stopped wearing for no reason).
Now I mention how much I like purple and I get called gay. That's frankly ridiculous. There is a tendency to ascribe a certain lifestyle to gay people, but funny enough the man who is probably the most well known homosexual in the world, Sir Elton Hercules John, doesn't live it. Neither do most actually gay people, if I'm correct. I only know of two people who I could take one look at and class gay. They're both effeminate and extremely affectionate, and they both insist they're not gay. I'm inclined to believe them, and the reason is simple - you're not gay until your penis has penetrated another man's anus or vice versa (I'm retching as I write this). That's just the crudest way of putting it. All I'm saying is, it's sexual activity that determines sexual orientation, and fashion, lifestyle, and other things can only vaguely point to one's true orientation.
I've seen many comments on twitter about the song "I need a doctor". It's been labelled gay so much I almost started to believe it was. But that brings me to another thing. Can't men love one another? Can't you feel so strongly about a dude without having the slightest sexual thought about that person? And is it wrong to tell that guy how important he is, and how much you cherish his friendship without being labelled a fag? These are just questions I ask myself when I get uncomfortable when dudes say "I love you man". Society has made us even more homophobic than we were before gay rights activists started telling us to stop being homophobic. I mean, if David and Jonathan were alive today the whole world would be buzzing with gay rumours. "Isreali Prince professes love to War hero" would be a likely headline. Or "Royal bromance." to use a word I absolutely hate. What happened to just being really good friends? Some still say they were in a gay relationship and quote David as saying "very pleasant hast thou been unto me; wonderful was thy love to me, passing the love of women" (2 Samuel, 1:26). But is that any different from when modern black men say "homies over hoes"?
Anyway I don't expect you to be really interested in the way my mind works. However I do expect some of the more narrow minded of you to call me gay for writing this, and thus prove my point.